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Always an act

15 Nov

I’m hungry.  *pouts* I’m babysitting right now, and when I’m done I’m gonna go rent some movies and get some cheese curds.  I am craving cheese curds!

Something Dragon Mage said to me the other day really “got” me.  Struck a cord, perhaps.  He says “so are you giving up your **** act then?”  (For those of you who follow that, I’m choosing to keep that anonymous right now, please and thanks! 🙂 )And I’m not, ‘cuz that part of me allows me to fulfill some needs, express some … different 😉 sides of me, etc.  But, the “act” part sort of clicked a few things into place for me.

See, Jessie Beth is who I am.  It’s not an act.  It’s me, not *trying to be anything.* It’s just me, being me.  What comes up first.  What comes next, etc.  And I realized that so much over the last several months, while I have learned so much, about myself, about others, about my interests, needs, wants and desires, that’s not all I am.  Yes, I admit that I am sexually submissive, most of the time.  I am into BDSM.  But that’s not *all* I am. Putting that so very much in the fore front of my life forced a lot of it to be an act.

I am also an author.  I am a movie-watcher.  I’m a proud auntie, loving mommy to my kitties and I love muscle cars 😀  I am also interested in nature and erotic photography and I’m slowly starting to learn how to edit videos.  These things are all a part of me and this is my way of comfortably expressing them here, along with also honoring my mother.  (She’s the one who wanted to name me Jessica Elizabeth.  I’m asking ThePinkPoppet if she can help me design a Jessica Elizabeth tattoo.Well actually, I have 2 that I want.  One beautiful, larger Jessica Elizabeth one.  And one samller, JessieBeth one.)

But anyway, for so long, as i went along this search of life, this..search THRU life that was searching FOR me, so very much was forced.  I had to try for everything.  And I tell ya something, It’s no wonder I was forever sick, never getting enough sleep, etc.  It’s hard work, finding yourself! *laughs* But ya know what?? Here I am!!  TA DA!!!

I have 3 more tat’s for a total of 6.  I have permed hair.  I’ve lost 38 lbs and I’m loosing more.  And I have never felt so free, so light, so..good.  I am, by no means, at the end of my road.  I don’t think we ever are.  In the way of my beliefs life in and of itself is for the sake of learning so I am prepared for more.

I will get some pics of me up here, eventually.  Once I get some more, and figure out exactly how I want this blog to look.  So yea.  🙂 Going to watch TMNT with my nephews now 😀

 

 
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Posted by on November 15, 2009 in about the jessie beth

 

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