it never stops

29 Nov

Life that is.  Over the last week it’s like every day I’ve had this awesome, deep, meaningful blog post written in my head but has it made it to my blog? LOl NOOOPE!  Seems like each time I’d sit down to write it, be it at home on word or here on mcwifi (or at home when the random wifi i can sometimes get comes in) something has distracted me or happened or whatever and it just hasn’t gotten written.  So yea.  Here I am, trying to write that post that’s flittered away each and every other time I’ve tried to write it.

I’ve gotten hooked on a new show.  Lie To Me.  It’s not Criminal Minds, but it’s still awesome in it’s own right!! 😀  I’ve also started learning graphology (not sure if I’ve mentioned that) and so now I’m analyzing my own writing.  I’ll be writing something and I’ll notice looping, or spacing or slant and be like “why did I do that….” and think about it and be like “well that means ____” and then I’ll go “holy shit yea!!!”  *laughs* Ugh I’m pathetic (I say that with a full heart of self deprecation filled to the brim with mirth and humor)

I’ve decided to start measuring most of my food again.  I’m trying to find a balance of where I was when I was measuring and recording everything I ingested, and to where I am today (not yet measuring.) I haven’t quite found it, but I’m gonna take it slow so that I can find the balance that works for me in my life right now.

I’ve been trying to get back into an exercise routine, but that hasn’t worked yet.  I’m fighting my way out of a bit of a slump that I got into when I got sick last month.  Hopefully in the next couple weeks I can find a couple exercise DVD’s that I will enjoy to do a couple times a week.  I’m going to get more than one so I can have variety.  Variety is important to me as I loose interest quite easily.

When I was going to the counselor a couple months ago I was diagnosed with adult ADD.  (Along with anxiety with minor panic attacks but that’s another beast entirely) I’m another statistic.  Joy of joys… I tend to take things like that with a grain of salt, but sometimes once a name is put to something it can make more sense.  And it so totally makes sense.  Reasons why even now I have 4 programs open and have been to 3 other websites all while writing this blog post.  I must almost always multitask.  At work I have 20 seconds between calls.  And I read books or do puzzles or color or write in those 20 seconds.  Anyway…I still very firmly believe shit like that is over diagnosed and the drugs for them are over prescribed.  It’s not a fucking excuse!!!

I’ve realized…well, not so much realized but more accepted that in life, the learning and adapting and changing and improving of ourselves never stops.  And that’s a good thing! For starters life would be really monotonous otherwise.  But even then, if we don’t strive to at least keep the status quo we stagnate.  And that’s just..ewww.

As for accepting…well.  It’s not so much accepting that we’re going to change and stuff, it’s accepting who we are in that moment in time.  Right now?  I’m a chick sitting in the corner of McDonalds with mismatched knee socks on, and tennis shoe laces that say I *heart* Nerds.  I have a studded belt on.  Plus my cell ringer is Tubular Bells (one of the best pieces of music ever) People actually have stared at me ‘cuz they can see my funky laces and mismatched socks (I’m wearing capri-length jeans) does it bother me? sure a but, ‘cuz I don’t like to be stared at.  However.  The key to this all is as follows:  There is nothing in this world that is forcing them to look at me.  If they have such a problem with me, they can go over there, or over there, or over there.

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Posted by on November 29, 2009 in about the jessie beth


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