a bit of a vent….

30 Mar

(Right, this is wwaayy long…just a warning…)

With my surgery things with my mom have been pretty good.  Only once did I have to say “now is not the time to chew me out, so please stop,” which she did.  I’ve been putting more and more distance between me and her and its helped.  But now she has done her thing to something D said and is down on him, to me of course. And of course, it’s about money.  *sighs* She believes, and has told me on a number of occasions, seriously, that money is more important to happiness.  That I should leave whomever I’m with for someone with a lot of money.  I used to be able to respond decently to it, now I just get angry, and no matter what I’ve said or how I’ve said it, she still firmly holds that money is more important than happiness.

D is actually pretty down on himself about this all, because she is right in part.  No, he’s not working enough, no he’s not making enough money.  But, it’s not like he isn’t trying.  He’s putting out dozens of applications, jumping through hoops for his current employer, he’s even doing a medical study at the end of the month to make fucking money.  There are 2 really offensive things however with what my mom did. First, she phrased it like this, and I quote: “Has that kid got a job yet?”  I had no fucking idea who or what she was talking about so my response was a very bewildered “HUH??”  To which she replied “Has that kid got a job yet?” So I’m all “who are you talking about?” And she finally uses D’s name.  He has one, and she knows it.  Very disrespectful.

Secondly, she started saying how he’s only working 20 hours a week and that’s just not enough, especially with my medical bills coming.  (She doesn’t know about his work situation, but it’s not the point, you’ll see.)  See, when they were talking while I was in surgery she of course asked about his work situation.  He said his hours vary from week to week, but stated his hourly wage, which is more than she or I makes.  He did not state how many hours he works, or doesn’t work. So she just made up the 20 hours.  The only thing he said was that he wanted an additional job, so he could bring in more money.  So, she just pulled this out of her ass and is using it against him.  Not.  Acceptable.

The worst part is the way that my mom is about these things.  When she gets ideas in her head, no matter how much you correct her, or discuss with her, or whatever she doesn’t listen or hear you.  She just keeps going on with whatever her idea is, as if you hadn’t spoken 3 peeps.  I was telling her that 1 – at least he has a job and 2 – he’s putting out tons of resumes every week, and she just nodded and said “okay okay” and basically just walked away, as if I hadn’t spoken. I just don’t get it.

I don’t know what to do anymore, how to act.  I fully support D of course, it’s not like he’s willingly not working.  And he is doing everything he can to remedy the situation.  He’s even sold pretty much everything he possibly can, to bring money in.

I have never been happier, never been treated better, and I’m getting healthier! *sighs*

It’s like, if I make a decision she doesn’t like, it’s the fault of whomever’s in my life that she doesn’t like or approve of, at the time.  When I sold my car it was because I was spending too much time with D.  I’ve been sick before and she’s blamed it on a friend of mine whom I sometimes babysit for.  It’s ‘cuz I babysat, the kids were sick.  They usually pay me to babysit as well, and even if I’ve had proof she’s never once believed me.  She just tells me they take advantage of me.  *eye roll* It’s insulting.  She’s the type who asks “who possessed you to do that” and genuinely mean it.  She thinks everything I do that she doesn’t approve of is the result of someone else’s influence.  It’s as if I can’t make up my own mind.  It’s no wonder it took me so long to come into my own!!

I don’t know what to do.  I’ve been dealing with this since I moved out.  I’ve tried being reasonable, I’ve tried being angry, sad, I’ve ignored.  I’ve done everything from ignore, to cry my eyes out, to yell.  About the only thing I haven’t done is get physical, which, of course, won’t happen.  I am at my wits end.

Really, it’s to the point where there really isn’t anything I can do anymore.  I’ve removed myself from her life just short of not talking anymore.  I share basically nothing with her anymore.  And save removing myself from her life 100% there really isn’t anything anymore that I can do.  And it saddens me.  She’s my last parent left as every other one I have/had I’ve had to do just that; remove myself from their lives for the betterment of my own.  D respects my decision to keep her in my life, so I suppose in the end, I/we just have to cope with it.  And with as wacked out as his own family is, he is very willing to cope and deal with mine.  ❤ I am uber lucky.

Aside from all this my day blew chunks.  Yesterday at work the dialer was down, so no outbound calls got made.  That meant we had an extra 6,000 calls to make today, on top of the 6,000 we already had.  *sighs* So that sucked, plus I’m constipated again, had to take some of my Tylenol #3 last night… and… on top of aaallll that… basically, I have diaper rash.  Due to the no insertion rule and all the bleeding and discharge I’ve had to wear pads, all the fucking time.  And since I walk and it’s warming up, plus at work just sitting…yea.  The plastic of the pads has been sticking to my poor lips and…well, yea.  I’m 28 years old with diaper rash.  So…it’s baby powder time in a bit… Oh yea, and add to this that I spilt soda all over me today…on my clothes, lets and down my shoes.  The paper towel dispensers in the bathroom were broken …so I wasn’t really able to clean myself up.  So by the time I finished work the sugars had started fermenting due to the air warmth and my body heat..dear gods did I stink!!  So I came home and D was cooking….and I’d already eaten…so I just showered.


Oh, and I have a killer rabbit vibe coming in the mail..and I can’t use it for 3 more weeks..*wails*

Did I ever mention how our DVD player in the living room broke?  When it rains it pours…

So I got up to make warm up some of that casserole that D made, and I put some garlic bread in the toaster oven, while preparing to put the casserole in the microwave.  And suddenly I feel something wet dripping down my leg.  I knew I hadn’t wet myself, so I look down, and see a pink streak down my leg to the floor..*sighs* I suppose after I stood up all the discharge and blood had pooled and then got released… yea, sorry.  That was way gross and prolly TMI.  My bad…then again, this is my gorram blog and I’ll say what I wanna say!!! (10 points if you’re still reading…an extra 10 if you know where “gorram” is from)

I got some basic plans now for my hand made altar I’m gonna make.  D’s on board with me so yay!  We’re gonna start picking up supplies here and there, as it’ll be pretty spendy.  He’s pretty handy too, and good with woodwork, so he’ll be able to help.  I’m so excited!

I’ve written a fuck ton more than I thought I would, but the net hasn’t been up all night, so I’ve had more time than usual to write.  I do think I’m gonna go to bed early though…I’m sitting here on a towel, with my pussy lips covered in baby powder…ugh…

I’m actually feeling a lot better now about the situation with my mom.  It’s actually been a couple hour since I wrote all of that *points up*.  As the net is down right now I’m typing this up on Word, and we watched a couple episodes of The Dresden Files.  I think I’m starting to accept that I’ve done/am doing everything I can and am willing to do about the situation, and so I just need to accept that it is how it is, and that’s how it is.

D’s making some hot cocoa and tea, so I think I’m gonna have a cup of Madagascar vanilla tea.  Yum…

I think I got the net working…so let’s see if this posts…


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3 responses to “a bit of a vent….

  1. Redvinylkitty

    March 30, 2010 at 9:20 PM

    I’m glad you’re feeling better babe. It was a lot to type out, but it looks like getting it all off your chest did make you feel a little better.

    It’s hard when a family member is like that. 😦 *huggles* Moms… Can’t live with them and you can’t live without ’em.

  2. lostmaverick

    March 31, 2010 at 11:35 AM

    gorram: From the Joss Whedon classic Firefly. Oh, and its Chinese for damn, but still Joss made it famous here in the states 😉

    *hugs* Sucks, the situation with your mom, and everything else that happened that day. But that which does not kill us only makes us stronger. You’ll get through this 🙂

  3. Missy

    March 31, 2010 at 5:49 PM

    Have you considered trying cloth pads ? They are much softer and cheaper in the long run ! You can email me if you want to know more about them ! I have been planning to add a review to my blog , maybe I should get on that soon !

    My mom is a PITA about my partners job too.As though her bitching about it is going to change anything.


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