So, tonight I have learned that I am touch starved. Again. Despite having a wonderful, loving, affectionate, caring boyfriend. *sighs* 😦 I’m not sure what we’re going to do with this. Here’s the story of the evening…
D had been teasing me, just a little bit. I thought I was gonna get some. At least a little. (I still might.) Well, we’re laying in bed…well, he made me lay in bed lol and then he sat next to me, holding a bowl of cereal. We were gonna watch some Simpsons. Well, he accidentally hit my nose and so bent down to kiss it. 1 – I didn’t know he was holding his bowl of cereal. 2 – D doesn’t kiss my nose. He pretends to chomp on it. Well, he had me worked up and it tickled so I flailed a bit. And spilt the cereal all over. In my hair, on my face, on him, on the bed. We only have 1 sheet. *sighs* So, I ended up in the shower and through random emotions almost ended up crying.
D is actually outside walking right now, to the closest store to get quarters so we can do laundry right away in the morning. We have a TON of laundry. I was going to walk with him, and was outside, but the wind is too cold for me to cope with with these emotions, at this time of the night, with wet hair. So I took the garbage out, mailed a letter, and here I am.
We are going to be finding pieces of cereal all over the bedroom for a long time to come.
So while I was in the shower I was going to try to start a conversation about my touch starvation but D took it the wrong way and said “well that’s why I haven’t been letting you touch me, and why I haven’t been touching you. So you didn’t get worked up like this, not ‘cuz I don’t want to.” But he was referring to me being horny. I had to finish showering and he finished cleaning up the mess. Then it was the taking-the-garbage-out-and-leaving thing. Didn’t have a chance to tell him it was the emotional aspect that’s the problem.f
I am going to when he get’s home though. ‘cuz I’ve now realized there’s no way I can handle any sort of teasing, unless I’m getting something out of it. Maybe that’s bad…but emotionally I can’t do it. I can’t handle the hope then realization that nothing’s coming.
I honestly don’t know how I’m gonna last 3 more weeks. The first few days were no problem, because I felt so much like shit. I’m starting to feel a lot better now, and aside from some discharge/blood/dried blood still, I’m fine. And the whole no vaginal penetration thing is fine. It’s all the rest… I can’t stand not being touched…I need to “feel” loved as well.
Not that D doesn’t make me feel loved…*sighs* I think the hardest part of all this is that I feel…I dunno. Like an out of control sex addict, like I’m selfish. Like I’m being demanding. In the end that’s probably 75% pms talking, as I’m starting to pms now. *eye roll* when it rains it pours…
Well, D’s home now. Gonna go now… he brought me home chocolate. chocolate fixes almost everything.