mew mew….

Here's Apple Kitty supporting me last night 🙂 Mew mew...

So I checked into the hospital yesterday at about 620am or so.  My surgery was supposed to be at 8am, but turns out they had me in too early and I didn’t go into surgery until almost 9.  It ended up being an almost 2 hour surgery, ‘cuz the doctor kept having to take more and more of my cervix out.  Against my wishes he did not take it all.  He left me with a whopping 20% of it.  It seems that I’m too young to decide that I’d rather be cancer free than have children biologically.

So, they still have samples and they’re (the samples) are going back to Mayo Clinic.  If they still find cancer the next step is a full hysterectomy. While I’d probably be on hormones for the rest of my life, at least I wouldn’t have cancer. A small price in my opinion.

They had to keep me overnight.  Turns out there was a TON of bleeding, and so they filled my vagina up with what D estimates to be about 8 feet of gauze.  They called it a “vag-pack” LOL … I also had a catheter in.  I hated it, it was uber painful, and I didn’t rest until they took it out.  In face, I ended up refusing to get out of bed until they took it out.  It turns out that they didn’t tape it in place

D picked out the Fiji Mums (The bright flowers) The purple carnations are from my Mom 🙂  And yes, that’s Apple Kitty, my cell phone, some Better Sex massage oil, and under my phone are 2 porns, Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Sex Positions & Fallen LOL

(probably because I originally wasn’t supposed to spend the night) so every time I moved it tugged and pulled and all that. It was so fucking painful…I couldn’t sit up or anything.  When my night nurse took it out I proposed marriage to her.  She accepted 😉

So, I spent the night in the hospital, me and D’s first night apart.  Neither of us slept well, though for me I was so doped up on Vicadin I’m not quite sure I realized I was alone.  I had Apple Kitty for support LOL I also spent a good amount of time focusing on urinating, as I had to urinate a certain amount for them to not try to put the catheter back in.  Not that I wouldn’t have fought.

I also discovered I’m allergic to another medicine *sighs* Ahh well, at least I know now!  So, Fetinal is on the list of Imitrex and Zomig.

Part of me is actually hoping that the tests come back with cancer.  That may sound weird, but I have a high likelihood of relapse.  I’d rather get it all over and done with now, while I’m young and have good insurance.  I don’t want to spend however long nervous at every pap smear and strange discharge or random bleed, ya know?

The view from my hospital room.

As it is, with only 20% of my cervix left any pregnancy is incredibly high risk, so me and D decided with just one look we’re so not going there.  No biological babies for us, at least that I carry.  We don’t want children right now anyway, for several years, possibly never.  We have talked about freezing some of my eggs, just in case we may want to go a surrogate route some day, but it would have to be a pretty special someone to do that for us.  As it is I still prefer the idea of adoption but *shrugs* we’ll just have to see how the tests come out.

I am so uber glad to be home.  It is so nice to sit in my chair that’s nice and comfy, be here with my kitties and D in familiar, comfortable surroundings.

I told D I loved him again, yesterday when he came to see me after surgery.  He smiled big, laughed softy and said he loved me too 😀 I have finally realized what home is.  It’s where he is.  For so long I’ve had homes, you know.  The place where all my stuff is, where my cats are, where I go home at the end of

Had to keep the damn thing in the whole time, just in case *sighs* A pain in the arse is what it is.

the day.  But, yesterday when D came into the hospital room and I was all stoned out of my gourd from all the drugs ( I guess my eyes were so dilated you couldn’t see the color LOL) I felt at home suddenly.  And when D left, it wasn’t home anymore.  Maybe it’s too much, maybe it’s dependency *shrugs* I don’t care.

So, I’ve napped a bit and eaten.  Gonna get dressed and D’s gonna go swim so I’m gonna dangle my feet in the pool.  I can’t be submerged for at least a week, and it’s another 4 week hold on anything in my vagina.  We’ll see how long that lasts.  For now, it doesn’t want anything touching it, I can barely stand wiping.  Because of all that gauze my lips are all irritated and my urethra is still irritated from the fucking catheter.

That’s about all that’s going on.  My throat hurts a fuck ton ‘cuz I was intubated.  At least my mom bought me some orange sherbet 🙂 YUM!