A lot of… a lot LOL

04 Jul
A lot of… a lot LOL

I'm catching up, tan wise! LOL

I haven’t really posted lately ‘cuz there hasn’t been a whole hell of a  lot to say.  The last few days have been a whole lot of nothing.  We really can’t do anything.  And we have not money yet so yea.  Nothing.  My check should be mailed tomorrow, but since it’s a post office holiday it’ll be mailed Tuesday, so I should get it Wednesday.  Our food won’t last…but someone is saving me.  Again.  He owns my soul now. *nod nod*

I’m still waiting to hear back from the other job.  I was hired, just need to get past the holiday hubub so I can start working for them too.  Then we need to get D a job.  He’s out of his mind with boredom and that feeling like shit feeling you get when you’re wholly dependent on someone else, in a non-consensual manner.

He’s applied for a fuckton of jobs, but since my phone got turned off, who knows if any of them have tried calling.

We fought last night.  More of a bleeding it all out fight, then an all out fight-fight.  Ya know?

A good portion of moving down here for me, is me being able to actually get back into my spirituality.  In a random search on and stuff yesterday I found a women’s only coven that’s actually in the city I live in! They’re actively seeking members so I sent them an email and am eagerly awaiting a reply.

I am pagan, I'm a witch, and I Love it!

Back home I would gather and practice sometimes with friends, but it wasn’t that yummy “i belong” feeling like you can get when you’re in the right coven.  (Or church/synagogue/insert yours here)  I think a lot of the reasons I fell “out” of actively practicing my religion was for 2 reasons.  First, I was trying to mold it into what I thought it should be, rather than what it is.  And secondly considering how conservative our area was, I didn’t have a group that I really belonged with, spiritually.  For some that’s fine, if your’e solitary.  But I’m not.  I have a very deep seeded desire, need, to belong to a coven.  A group of women whom I can just belong with, on a completely different level than “friends” ya know?

I am just so bloody tired of hiding who I am.  Of sharing only certain parts to certain people.  And while that’s necessary for some thing (for example, I am not talking about my sex life to my mom) for the most part I shouldn’t have to hide who I am!

I think that’s one of the main reasons why we just…well, upped and moved.  We were both so tired of being stifled.  Of having so much of our mental energies attached to wishing we could find certain things, of just plain old not wanting to

One of my favorite triple goddess images 🙂

be there anymore.

The very fact that we’re in a place where we can be ourselves, express ourselves and have a much higher likelihood of meeting others with like minds is .. well, mind blowing to us.

Either way, I’m slowly but surely coming out of my shell, what’s left of it.  I’m so much more comfortable being me now.  I love me! 😀


Posted by on July 4, 2010 in daily life


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4 responses to “A lot of… a lot LOL

  1. lostmaverick

    July 4, 2010 at 3:28 PM

    Aww, that’s so great sweetie, that conven will be lucky to have you. Here’s hoping that they are everything you want and more 🙂 And don’t get discouraged; you’ve hit a few bumps but you two will make it work in Cali, I know it 🙂

    • Jessie Beth

      July 4, 2010 at 5:52 PM

      *hugs* you’re the best, you really are. I am so blessed to call you my friend (and my uncle 😉 teehee )

  2. Jessica

    July 4, 2010 at 4:51 PM

    Thats awesome, Jess, about finding a coven. I’m an eclectic pagan myself, but I don’t talk about it much with people, especially since Dragon is an atheist. But I’m seeing you can’t stifle that part of yourself without losing your way a little, as it seems like you know. I’m so happy for you! I hope you’ll continue to talk about your spirituality on here. I remember reading some of it on your old blog, and I really enjoyed it.

    California is full of so many different kinds of people, it must be so nice to not “stick out” in negative ways anymore, just for not being a conservative conformist. It just makes me smile. Keep the faith. D will find a job soon, I’m sure of it (you haven’t been there that long, afterall! :p) and it will be such a weight off his shoulders. You guys will be just fine, with love on your side. 🙂

    Lots of hugs!

    • Jessie Beth

      July 4, 2010 at 5:56 PM

      *hugs back* Yea, D is an agnostic, so we don’t share our religion, however we respect that each of us has different spiritual needs, and have discussed it at length, so we don’t stifle each other or step on toes or anything.

      And yes, I definitely plan on blogging more about my religion. AND I also plan on making my altar still! Just need to get paid.

      And you’re right. We are so gonna make it! Just need to be patient with things.


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