I haven’t really posted lately ‘cuz there hasn’t been a whole hell of a lot to say. The last few days have been a whole lot of nothing. We really can’t do anything. And we have not money yet so yea. Nothing. My check should be mailed tomorrow, but since it’s a post office holiday it’ll be mailed Tuesday, so I should get it Wednesday. Our food won’t last…but someone is saving me. Again. He owns my soul now. *nod nod*
I’m still waiting to hear back from the other job. I was hired, just need to get past the holiday hubub so I can start working for them too. Then we need to get D a job. He’s out of his mind with boredom and that feeling like shit feeling you get when you’re wholly dependent on someone else, in a non-consensual manner.
He’s applied for a fuckton of jobs, but since my phone got turned off, who knows if any of them have tried calling.
We fought last night. More of a bleeding it all out fight, then an all out fight-fight. Ya know?
A good portion of moving down here for me, is me being able to actually get back into my spirituality. In a random search on Meetup.com and stuff yesterday I found a women’s only coven that’s actually in the city I live in! They’re actively seeking members so I sent them an email and am eagerly awaiting a reply.
Back home I would gather and practice sometimes with friends, but it wasn’t that yummy “i belong” feeling like you can get when you’re in the right coven. (Or church/synagogue/insert yours here) I think a lot of the reasons I fell “out” of actively practicing my religion was for 2 reasons. First, I was trying to mold it into what I thought it should be, rather than what it is. And secondly considering how conservative our area was, I didn’t have a group that I really belonged with, spiritually. For some that’s fine, if your’e solitary. But I’m not. I have a very deep seeded desire, need, to belong to a coven. A group of women whom I can just belong with, on a completely different level than “friends” ya know?
I am just so bloody tired of hiding who I am. Of sharing only certain parts to certain people. And while that’s necessary for some thing (for example, I am not talking about my sex life to my mom) for the most part I shouldn’t have to hide who I am!
I think that’s one of the main reasons why we just…well, upped and moved. We were both so tired of being stifled. Of having so much of our mental energies attached to wishing we could find certain things, of just plain old not wanting to
be there anymore.
The very fact that we’re in a place where we can be ourselves, express ourselves and have a much higher likelihood of meeting others with like minds is .. well, mind blowing to us.
Either way, I’m slowly but surely coming out of my shell, what’s left of it. I’m so much more comfortable being me now. I love me! 😀