communication…actually it’s a post about D

08 Sep

It's crazy in here!

So today me and D decided to hit the hot tub.  His neck is out and my lower back was stiff.  We actually got to talking a lot and though there wasn’t anything wrong and there still isn’t, sometimes certain things just need to be said.  See, D has schizoid type personality disorder. This does indeed create unique communication…perhaps not difficulties but needs.  D is intensely aware of his disorder and the effect it has on him.  But it also makes him just flat ‘ole hyper-aware of himself.

Schizoid type personality disorder basically is a mental disorder that has a lot of symptoms that are typically associated with other mental disorders like depression, anxiety, OCD, bi-polar and schizophrenia.  When D was young he was misdiagnosed and prescribed medications that did things from make him sleep, gain weight and cause severe mental breakdowns.  Anyway, having these random symptoms/issues, can cause problems because, well, they’re random.  Sometimes he seems ADD, where other times he seems depressed.  He has crazy OCD ticks, agoraphobia and is perfectionist about the most random things.

Anyway, I said all that to help explain that sometimes, when we may appear to have problems, we really don’t.  It’s more of a situation where I need to remind him of things.  Lemme give an example.  You know how when you go into someone’s house and notice that something is out of place?  You really, really itch to fix it, but it’s not your place.  Well, D sees the whole word like that.  No matter how much he knows it’s not his place, but he sees all these things in the world that appear out of place to him and feels an incredible need to fix it.  But can’t.  So sometimes I need to give him a proverbial kick in the ass and refocus his view back home.

So yea, that’s what our discussion was about.  Sometimes he has difficulty fully expressing himself, especially his feelings (Yea, sorta typical male eh? LOL) so sometimes I need to remind him that every now and again I need to hear the positive things.  Though lately with all the problems with him finding a job and stuff I can’t always blame him.  Though back home when he did have a job it was all still there (the problems.)

Sometimes in life, and especially in relationships, you just need to talk.  You don’t have to blame, you don’t have to sit and cry, you just need to say something so it’s out in the open.  I still love my D as much as I did before, and I will still tomorrow as well 🙂  The key is communication.  Knowing that he does have a disorder, that he’s aware of it and is honest about it with me.  That’s the key.


Posted by on September 8, 2010 in about the jessie beth, daily life


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2 responses to “communication…actually it’s a post about D

  1. Jessica

    September 8, 2010 at 11:58 PM

    Absolutely. I feel like often people avoid talking about things, because they are afraid of rocking the boat. But if you care about each other, there’s nothing you can say that should push anyone away permanently, and it is the only way to work stuff out. I’m sorry to hear about D, but glad to know you have each other. If you are an example of peace and positivity, if enough time goes by, it will rub off on him. I’ve struggled with depression myself, and it is so easy to fall into your own mind, your own world, and only see what the depression wants you to see. Talking it out is a good way to keep him in the present moment, help him see thimgs from your point of view, and I’m sure knowing you love and accept him enough to want to work anything out, is a great thing. Lots of hugs!

    • Jessie Beth

      September 9, 2010 at 12:31 AM

      Yea totally! *lots of hugs back* With him seeing all those things he needs to fix constantly reminds him of the …. what should be, ya know? But yea, I am so blessed and lucky to be with someone who is aware of his faults and who is so accepting of the faults in others.. specifically me lol Pretty much every day there’s a moment or two where one of us is all “yea, triggered an ocd” or “ack, anxiety trigger!” Or whatever ya know? And so we’re just all “yep, do what you need to.”

      The life of anxiety ridden ocd people LOL

      I also understand the depression thing. While I don’t have depression, I have anxiety, I do have usually a fortnight here or there where I fall into my own personal abyss, just going along, living on comfort foods, not doing anything, wallowing in my own whatever my problem is at the moment. Sometimes life just sucks LOL but the rest of the time I do tend to see the brightness 🙂 I am also hoping that my brightness will rub off on D too 😉


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