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The constant fight and waiting game.

So, we’re playing the waiting game right now.  D’s family might be helping, but it’s a matter of will they?  If so how much?  And when.  If they don’t help, it’s 100% we won’t make it and will need to go home.  If they do but it’s not enough, it’ll be uber easier for us to get home.  If they don’t help at all we’ll have to fly home, in which case most of our stuff will be stored by a friend down here, my cats will be taken to the human society and we’ll have to figure out how to handle D’s, cuz he’s emotionally unable at the moment to let them go.  Having to run home will “break” him enough, having to loose his cats would be the topper that made the icing run off the cake, if you get my drift.

We have options, and that’s important to both of us.  We have a place to go back home, free of charge, that we could have our cats at, with no problem.  I just hate not knowing; I’m scared things will get to the nitty gritty and we’ll be fucked; no place to go here, ya know?  No one we know has room or is able to take anyone.  D could easily get a plane ticket at the end of the month if need be, with is pay, but we’d have nothing extra to take luggage or the cats.

D is at a point where he’s choosing to believe we’ll make it, which is fine, but that’s making him want to give the landlords everything, rather then set some aside (we owe specific amounts on specific days and todays payment is less than what we have right now; I want to save the extra, just in case, D wants to give it to them).  He is still letting himself believe that they’ll work with us, which they won’t anymore.  Since he’s at work when the landlords are there I’m always the one dealing with them, so I know better how things are with them.  Because they’ve been so willing to work with us up ’till now, he doesn’t see how or why they’d change that, but they have.  So while we’re on the same page with virtually everything this is a decent sized rift.  Though, in the end it’s his money and I told him he has the last say on it.

For me, a lot of it here now has been soured for me.  I can’t tell if it’s just our apartment or the whole area, but a good portion of me really does just want to go home.  I’ve been able to change a lot of my thinking to that this has been a failed experiment; it just sucks too much to see this as what it really is; we chased a dream, but that dream ended up in a sewage tank rather than a pretty rainbow.

Plus, our cats still have fleas; not terribly bad, but bad enough.  *head desk*

 
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Posted by on March 15, 2011 in daily life

 

A word or two from the Jessie Beth

So yea.  It’s bee a long time.  Longer than usual. This have really been the worst they’ve ever been.  Honestly, there’s a good chance we’ll be evicted.  We ended up having to do a promise to pay with our landlords, but they’re forcing us to not only get re-caught up, but turned around in 1 month.  For me… I have placed I can go.  Not here, but back home.  My mom has promised to fly me home if need be and offered me my old bedroom, though I’d have to get rid of my cats.  A friend back home offered me his spare bedroom (for free, until I get a job) and my cats can come there.  It’d just be getting them home.  D does not have any place to go.

So, I’ve got a job, pretty much lined up.  Thing is, I’d probably only have 1 or 2 paychecks from it, and it’s something that would not only be epic hard to get to, but horrid on my body.  I have another interview Friday for a part time job at a new grocery store; that wouldn’t start ’till mid-April.  However, I have heard back from that work from home position; we’re talking on the phone tomorrow to talk details.  I pray I get that one, it pays quickly and well.  Even with all this though, and my taxes coming (hopefully — I had to mail them in this time, which I don’t ever find secure) we still may loose the apartment.  Especially if my taxes are late or something; I couldn’t e-file this year.  Which is so scary for me.  I have places I can go.  D doesn’t.  It’d kill me if I had to leave him here.  I think his family would come through for him, though he doesn’t.

At the same time, I realize that everything happens for a reason.  I’ve learned a lot about myself and have new goals to better my life…I just need to ensure we have a place to live first.  There is still that part of me that wants to move home.  Things are simpler there, I have epic support there and all that.  However, I’m 29 fucking years old.  I need to be able to do this myself; I need to be able to support myself.

We’ve got food stamps; which is keeping us fed.  I also was approved some general assistance, which gets paid directly to my rent.  However, it got sent to the *wrong fucking address.*  They sent it here to our compound, however instead of sending it to an address, they sent it to a random apartment.  So my landlords didn’t get it.  Thankfully we got D’s tax return in time to cover part of that.  But without that, there’s no way we can pay our rent.

So yea, that’s where we’re at right now.  I’ve been spending a lot of time just by myself, trying not to worry or think.  I haven’t been very talkative or anything like that.  So, no offense to anyone; it’s not been personal.

 
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Posted by on March 2, 2011 in daily life

 

Website Review; MoreLockers.Com

So, ever since I’ve been old enough to want a real house of my own and also be able to visualize how I’d want it decorated and all, I’ve wanted lockers. The nice thing about lockers is you can have different sizes and colors, plus they’re pretty secure. Since a lot of them are metal and all.

However so often with the thought of lockers comes the visual of school lockers. Well, I don’t know about any of you but school lockers are not what I’d want in my home. However, More Lockers actually has lockers that aren’t school lockers!  If you go to their website, it’s organized quite nicely; right along the top you can click on several tabs that show what sorts of lockers they have.  And they have everything from the good old fashioned metal school lockers to nice and fancy designer lockers. Yes. Designer lockers!

They have some wonderful wood lockers, cubbies and even ones with designs on them and that are various colors!  It’s nice to know of this website because if I ever get a house of my own now I know where I can get the lockers and/or cubbies that I want!

 
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Posted by on February 15, 2011 in about the jessie beth

 

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i can’t decide!

I am a Green Witch

So I’m still tossing around the idea of going back to school.  Thing is, my interests lie in forensics.  However, is that something that I really wanna do full time, ya know?  I cherish working from home.  I love what I do now and what I’m planning for my crafts and such to be sold.  (Which, unfortunately is moving slower than I wanted, however I think that’s as it should be.)  Do I really want my ever work day to be filled with dead bodies and such?

I do love forensics.  I love forensic anthropology and anthropological linguistics and handwriting analysis.  I love studying serial killer cases.  I love studying what the FBI’s Behavior Analysis Unit does.  However, do I want that to be my every day?  I don’t think so.  *sighs* I love my alternative lifestyle.  I think that part of me that still tries to fit in and be what “I’m supposed to be” is trying to sabotage, ya know?

On another note I’ve decided that I’m going to be doing is starting my own Meetup group here in East Bay.  I’ve been looking for one in East Bay (or even San Francisco) but haven’t been able to find one that I really click with.  So, hopefully end of December paycheck or January paycheck I’ll be doing that 😀  My group will be a little more specific than the other ones available.  Most of the Pagan Meetups out here (and anywhere really) are mainly just gather and socialize.  Some have rituals.  Mine will be neither, and both.

Mine will be more geared towards Witches, and will not involve ritual.  It’ll involve getting together and talking about the mechanics of Witchcraft, tips and tricks for making spell bottles/jars, talismans, herb harvesting, etc.  I’ve emailed my friend B (sorta my sister witch out here) to see if she wants to be a part of it.

I’ve also decided that 100% I want my garden plot! So, I’m trying to find out at what date the money is due, and how much the deposit is.  It’s fully refundable deposit, so long as you clean your plot when you leave the community garden.  Totally reasonable in my opinion.  I’m really excited about it, not only for the fresh veggies and such, not only being able to harvest my own herbs (I need a bolline for that! eek! :D) but also ‘cuz I’m going to make a fearie garden in it!  Which will include faerie furniture.  Which I realized that I can make more of and sell! 😀  So, once I get my website and store set up (I’ve got my hosting package.  Just need to get my domain transfered and start actually making my website LOL) that’ll be on my list of things available ^^

See, in the end this is the life that really calls to me.  Working from home so I can do these variety of things.  I have a full and strong belief in sustainable priestessing.  This means that for a lot of my priestessly services I have no compunctions about charging something.  However 1 – not a lot.  2 – i’d never turn someone away for lack of funds. and 3 – I whole-heartedly believe in an exchange system.  (EG – I give you a tarot reading; you give me a rune reading, or cook me a meal, or give me a sage wand.) Things like that.

In my heart of hearts I just want to be me; a Green Witch.

A blossoming Green Witch am I,
With plant wisdom and magic to share.
A child of the flowers am I,
With blossoms budding from my hair.
A friend of the Fairies am I,
A crown of leaves and flowers I wear.
A daughter of the Earth am I,
Walking Her ways with feet ever bare.
A sister of the waters am I,
Flowing wild and free without a care.
At one with the blowing winds am I,
Singing softly through the midnight air.
A keeper of the fire am I,
Let me kindle your passions if you dare.
Connected in Spirit with You am I,
Fused together as one in prayer.
Copyright © 1992 Oceanna de la Mare

 
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Posted by on November 7, 2010 in daily life

 

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Doing it with Damon and Hunter (a review)

Oohhh they're HOT!

So, I’ve been having a hard time finding porn that I enjoy lately.  I dunno why, but I’ve been masturbating better to NCIS than anything else.  *shrugs* Whatever right?  However, this has lead me to begin a, so far, fruitless search for porn that I can masturbate to, and really enjoy.  Now that’s not to say that I’m not enjoying the adult movies I’m watching!  It’s just that I’m enjoying them for the sake of watching them.  Not for the sake of masturbation.  It doesn’t matter how many sex toys I have piled next to me, if I have a porn on I just watch it.  Then I put NCIS on and fuck myself.  Maybe I have an NCIS complex….

Damon & Hunter; Doing It Together is unfortunately, not any different.  However, that’s me and my NCIS masturbation complex.  The movie is awesome! This adult film is by Comstock Films, it’s a husband and wife producing some unique independent films.  This is the first gay movie they’ve produced.  It includes an interview that’s about a half hour long, then a half hour sex scene.  The nice thing about the sex scene is that it’s the guys doing it how they want; it’s just them having sex as if they were doing it at home, not on film.

The movie starts off with an interview between the two men and they talk about their lives, sex lives and their views and ideals regarding sex and sexuality.  It’s interspersed with a few seconds long clips of the sex scene.  Then, there’s the sex scene.  And that’s it.  It’s really quite simple, but it’s awesome in it’s simplicity.

There are a couple special features.  There’s an option where you can watch the sex scene with commentary and also choosing your own camera angles, of course from the options there are.  There’s usually 3 choices.  Also, there’s promo’s for some of the other Comstock Films movies.

The only thing is I wish the interview had been longer.  Not only are Damon and Hunter fucking sexy as hell, but they were simply enjoyable to watch and listen to.  This is totally a movie to get if you like gay porn and also the ideas behind it.  It’s just so nice to be able to hear what the guys think about it, ya know?

4.5 out of 5!!  Thanks Fascinations!

 
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Posted by on November 2, 2010 in Toy Review

 

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my broken penis

‘Cuz the awesomsauce over at Babeland asked, here’s a pic of my broken penis

*pouts* My broken penis. It still tastes good though! Cherry Chip 🙂

 
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Posted by on November 2, 2010 in daily life

 

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My penis broke!

*giggle snort*

Yea, how often will I be able to say that??  hehehehehe  and no, it’s not D’s phallus either.  It’s the penis cake I made last night!  The balls broke off.  LOL

So, I had a whole lot to say, but yea.  It’s gone.  *sticks tongue out* Figures.  Anyway.  If nothing else, I get to pimp that rockin’ demotivational pic!!

 
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Posted by on November 2, 2010 in daily life